Help the Aged!? - Part 2

Well, allrighty then, you wrinkled old bastards ... so you've proved to me that you're not truly happy until you've subjected me aneurysm-inducing levels of frustration while I'm out shopping, but you've still got some more tricks up your sleeve.

Those fucking shopping trolleys, the ones that enable you to barge into my shins or ankles and then look at me like somehow I'm the one that's done something wrong ... where in bollocking bastard hell do you actually buy those things? I have never, ever seen one on sale so where do you get them from? And who trains you to use them as an offensive weapon?

In fact, where do you get all that old person shit from? Tweed hats and trousers that with a waistband that comes up to your armpits? Clear plastic headscarves? Vests? I have never, ever seen any of that crap on sale in any shop. Is there some kind of special mail order catalogue that gets sent to you with your bus pass?

And, when I'm on public transport and I offer you my seat, how about you accept graciously rather than looking at me like I'm a piece of shit you found on your shoe. Don't think I don't know why you do that. It's because you know that everyone else who now gets on and hasn't seen me offer you my seat is looking at me and thinking "You selfish prick. How can you sit there while that poor old person has to stand?" Thanks a fucking bunch, granddad!

Of course, the excuse you all use for not ever wanting to pay full price for anything is that you're only "poor pensioners". Fuck right off, will you?

Your parents moaned about never having any money when they retired, and their parents moaned about never having any money when they retired, and you sat there as a child and an adult and listened to them fucking moan about it ...

And you STILL DIDN'T SAVE ANY MONEY FOR YOUR RETIREMENT! What? How fucking stupid are you? How much of a fucking clue did you need? Were you banking on a massive lottery win on or around your 65th birthday? Did you think that your own parents, despite doing nothing but whinge like bastards about how skint they were, secretly had a fortune that you were going to inherit? Maybe you thought that when you had to get false teeth because all your real teeth had fallen out, you were going to make a killing off the tooth fairy?

Please, please, don't tell me that you seriously thought that there was going to be a State pension worth a damn, because that dementia had certainly kicked in early if you did.

And while I'm on the subject of dementia ... just fucking pack that shit in, will you? Like it gives you carte blanche to say whatever the fuck you want, particularly whatever loathsome racist crap happens to wander across I laughingly refer to as your 'mind':

"Ooh, I'm not being funny, but he was one of them Indians and you know what they're like."

"I never eat Chinese food -- they all eat dogs and cats."

"I'm not a racist, but you know how those blacks are ..."

You haven't got fucking Tourettes, so what comes out of your mouth is your responsibility. They're not chinks, or wogs, or pakis, or any of those other disgraceful linguistic throwbacks you trot out.

And the worst of it is that you then have the audacity to look pleased with yourselves, as if you've challenged the doctrine of political correctness, or somehow claimed back some small cultural piece of the Empire for Queen fucking Victoria.

You haven't. You're pathetic and you make me want to puke.