Put down the chalk and step away from the menu board

A short appeal to sign-writers and desktop publishers everywhere. Get a fucking clue, you intellectually crippled crapheads.

Please, please, listen very careful when I say this:

There is no apostrophe in CDs, DVDs, PCs, TVs or LCDs.

No. There isn't. There really, really, really FUCKING ISN'T. It's plural. It's not possessive. It's not a contraction, so it therefore does not require an apostrophe.

It doesn't. Are you listening to me? Then stop fucking doing it. Just stop. For the love of buggering bastard Christ will you stop putting apostrophes into every word that ends in an 'S' and then leaving the cunts out when you're supposed to use them?

Case in point, from a pub menu board in my town:

There is no apostrophe in "Sausage and Chip's" but there is one in "Todays Specials" ...
Got that? Well, fucking change it, then. Don't make me hurt you.

While I'm at it, can I make it quite clear that there is not, under any circumstances, an acceptable reason for spelling the word "fair" as "fayre". Not one. It is not charming and Olde Worlde, not least because there is not such thing as "Olde Worlde." Sticking an "E" on the end does not instantly confer an authentic air of antiquity.

Neither does writing "Ye" when you mean "The." The word was never, ever "Ye" ... The "Th" sound used to have its own letter that looked a bit like a "Y", so it's not "Ye", it's not "Olde" ad it's not a "Shoppe".

Got that? Clear? You aren't tapping into the nation's rich linguistic heritage, you're making yourself look like an illiterate twat.

Pack it in, you fucking retards.